Father's Love

I never get to know how it feel to be in the Father's love. I never tasted it before.
Since young i never enjoy what children got to enjoy with their father. i was living in doubts and fears. Why does this happen to me? Why does this happen to this child Jordan Loo Yu Tai. That wish to know how a father's love is.
My father have this mental illness for a very long time...Since im 5years old.
This mental illness is name Bipolar. You can check for yourself. People with this illness will always be very active in mind and do not sleep much and tend to disturb us during wee hours. It is not harmful and but careless thinking from my dad can cause a lot of problem. I remember once my mum almost couldn't take the pressure of it. She took a knife when in the room trying to commit suicide but we manage to stop her.
My dad hardly work and he spend money like water because of his mental condition. My mum was alone raising my sister and I up till now. I got no choice but to choose to work after my N Level to lighten my burden.
Living with my dad for 23 years. Doing the things that hurt us so much again and again. Is this the father it used to be when i just came to this world? My heart is just so numb now. I don't know whether to blame myself or to blame him. I just don't how to talk to him anymore, I don't when will it stop. And i don't if i forgive will i forget about everything. So many years we've tried to rescue him from the pit yet he fell back in again. And my prayer still goes on ..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I make a promise to myself that i will be a good father to my children and wife. I don't want them to live without a father's love.

Father Lord I thank You for Your great love, freely you give it all for us on cross and bear our sins on that cross. Your eagles wings that embrace us through difficult times and trouble. Thank You Lord.